BTS - The Notes

 HYYH pt 1 - THE NOTES📚

Contents

1. Prologue Good Kid
2. Shadow of my childhood
3. Everything started from here
4. End of summer, Beginning of Solitude
5. I must survive
6. What to look for when lost
7. The things with wings
8. The topmost floor in the city
9. The most beautiful day of our lives
10. After returning from the sea
11. The direction where the sun rises
12. Epilogue Nightmare

Prologue Good Kid

SeokJin

10 October Year 9

"Let's go, we have to get out of here!" I grabbed my friend's hand and ran to the rear door of our classroom. As I looked back while running down the hall, I saw the men spilling out of the classroom chasing us. "Stop! Stop right there!" Their voices seemed to seize us by the back of our necks.

We frantically thought of where to go as we darted down the stairs. the first destination that came to mind was the hill behind our school. We just needed to cross the playground and go out the school gate and we would hit the bottom of the hill. Although it wasn't that high, it was pretty rocky and rugged. After running through the gate and rounding the corner at full speed, we ignored the walking trail and jumped right into the bushes. We waded through the dense limbs and kept running. We ran for what felt like forever, finally stopping when the footsteps behind us were gone.

We collapsed on the ground covered with layers of dried leaves, sweat dripping from our faces. "They won't be able to follow us here, right?" My friend nodded, breathing heavily. We lifted our T-shirts to wipe our faces with the hem. My friend's face was wet with sweat and tears. His wrists were bluish-black with bruises. The neck of his T-shirt was ripped.

"Dad hasn't come home in over a week. Mom just keeps crying. The cleaning lady and driver stopped coming. Aunt says that Dad's company shut down. Those men came to our house last night. They kept pressing the bell and yelling for Dad. We stayed inside with all the lights turned off, and they kept swearing in front of the door. We couldn't sleep at all." My friend cried through his whole story. I couldn't think of anything to say. All I could do was to tell him not to cry.

It was shortly after the class had started when the front door swung open and four or five men burst in. They were unruly and rash. "Which one of you is MR.Choi's son? Come out with us." Stunned, our teacher asked them to leave immediately, but they simply ignored her. "We know you're here. Come out right now." Some of the kids leered at my friend sitting next to me and began whispering. The men noticed and came towards us. "can't you see we're in the middle of the class? Please leave." Our teacher tried to block them but one of the men pushed her hard to the whiteboard. She fell to the ground.

The man who had shoved our teacher walked towards us in a threatening manner. All the student's heads turned towards us. The man snatched my friend's arm. "We'll take you to your dad and get the money from him. Surely, he won't turn away to his son." The men were menacing, and the atmosphere was intimidating. 

I looked into my friend's face. He was trembling. Trembling hard with his head bent low. He was my friend. I reached under the desk and grabbed his hand. He looked up and I pulled his hand. "Let's run."

The sky was getting darker and darker. No one seemed to be chasing us. We pushed our way through the trees and bushes to the walking trail. An empty lot with exercise equipment appeared before us. I leaned against the chin-up bar and my friend perched on a bench. "I am afraid you'll get in trouble because of me." My friend seemed uneasy when I told him I would be fine. All I could think of in the classroom was to get my friend out of there. I had to get him far away from those men. But, as we started running away, I realized we had nowhere to go.

"let's go to my place." It must've been around 9 pm as quite some time had passed since the sun went down. I was starving. He must have been too. "Aren't your parents home? Won't you get in trouble for taking me there?" "We can sneak in. If we get in trouble, then we get in trouble." My house came into sight in the distance. "Go in right behind when the gate opens and hide behind a tree. I'll open the window for you later." 

Mom was sitting on the couch in the living room. "Where have you been? your teacher called." Instead of answering her question, I told her sorry, It was usually the quickest way to end a conversation. Mom said Dad would be home any minute and went into her room. My room was opposite their room with the living room in the middle. I quickly went into my room and opened the window.

We heard the front gate open while playing a computer game after a snack of bread and milk. My friend looked at me with frightened eyes. "It's okay. Dad never comes to my room." The door of my room burst open before I finished speaking. We both sprang up from our seats with fright. 

"Are you Mr.Choi's son?" Dad continued without waiting for an answer. "Come on out. someone is here to take you." A man was standing by the door. I thought he was Mr.Choi at first. But quickly realized he wasn't. He was one of those men who had marched into the classroom earlier. I looked up at Dad. He looked exhausted, with knitted brows and subtly quivering eyelid. It was better not to bother him when he was in that mood. While I was trying to read his face, the man came into my room and grabbed my friend's shoulder. I got in front of my friend. "No, Dad, don't let this man take him away. He is one of the bad people."

He just kept looking down at me and did not budge. "please help him, Dad. He is my friend." The man tried to pull my friend outside. I held onto my friend's arm, and Dad grasped my shoulder. He grasped it and pulled it hard. I had to let go of my friend's arm. He was being dragged out of the door. I squirmed and writhed to break free,  but Dad strengthened his grip. "It hurts!" I screamed, but Dad didn't let go He just grasped my shoulder even tighter. Tears ran down my face. 

I looked up at Dad. He was like a massive grey wall. His face was expressionless with even exhausted look is now gone. He slowly opened his mouth with his eyes fixed on me. "Seokjin, be a good kid." He still had that blank look. But I knew what to do, what to do to stop the pain.

"Seokjin." I turned my head at my friend's cry. he escaped the man's grip and ran towards my door. he was in tears. Dad, with his one hand still gripping my shoulder, slammed the door shut with his other hand. I apologized to him. "I am sorry Dad, I won't make trouble again. 

The next day, the seat next to mine was empty. My teacher said he transferred to another school.

Shadow of My Childhood

Hoseok

23 July Year 10

It all happened when I counted to four. I was counting some fruit, maybe tomatoes or melon. I’m not sure. “Four.” As soon as I said it, a vision from my childhood appeared before my eyes. I was holding hands with someone.

It was the day I first went to an amusement park with mom. I was mesmerized by the colorful flags and rows of shops. People dressed like clowns waved at me, and exciting music reverberated in every corner. Mom stopped in front of a merry-go-round. White horses were going round and round under sparkling lights. I was about to ask, “Mom, are we here to ride this?” when someone called me. “Hoseok.” I looked up.

It was my teacher. My classmates were all looking at me with bewildered eyes. The vision from my childhood disappeared. My teacher urged me to continue, and I began to count again. Five. Six. Mom appeared before my eyes again. She looked exactly the same as a minute ago. Her face was shaded as she was standing in front of the light, and a breeze fanned her hair. Mom handed me a chocolate bar. “Hoseok, close your eyes tight, and don’t open them until you count to ten.”

Seven. Eight. Nine. I stopped there. My teacher made a gesture signaling me to go on. My classmates stared at me again. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Mom’s face blurred. It felt as if she would never come looking for me if I finished counting to ten. I fell to the ground.

 

Taehyung
29 December Year 10

I flung off my shoes, hurled my bag on the floor, and ran into the room. Dad was really home. I had no time to think how long he’d been gone and where he was coming from. I just threw myself into his arms. It became all blurry from that point. I wasn’t sure whether I smelled liquor on his breath first, heard him cursing first, or got slapped on my face first. I didn’t know what was happening. His alcohol breath was repulsive and his breathing was hard. His eyes were bloodshot. He had a scruffy beard. A massive hand slapped my face. “What are you looking at?” he slapped me again. Dad grabbed me by my shoulders and picked me up. I was almost face-to-face with him. Bloodshot eyes and a scruffy beard. He wasn’t my dad. Well, he was. But he wasn’t. my feet dangled in the air. I was so frightened that I couldn’t even cry. The next moment, my head hit the wall hard and I crumpled to the floor. It felt as if my head had cracked. I could hardly see straight. It became pitch black.

 

Jimin
6 April Year 11

I went out the front gate of the Grass Flower Arboretum alone. The sky was cloudy and a little chilly, but I was feeling good. It was school picnic day, and as usual, my parents were too busy to make it. This brought me down. But I received high evaluations in the flower drawing contest, and my friends' mothers all told me, “You’re so mature and gentle.” I thought I was pretty cool.

“Jimin, wait here. It’ll just be a minute,” my teacher said after the picnic was over and we got ready to leave the arboretum. I didn’t wait. I knew I could find the way on my own. I held onto the straps of my backpack with both hands and took confident steps. Everyone seemed to be staring at me, so I kept my shoulders back. After walking for a while, it began to rain. My classmates and their mothers had all left, and no one paid attention to me. I crouched under a tree. The rain began to pour down more and more heavily. I stretched my neck to check if anyone was coming from either side, but no one was around.

I began to run, holding my backpack over my head with both hands. The rain kept falling harder and harder. My pants got soaked in the rain after only a few steps. No shop, house, or bus stop came into sight. In the far distance, I could see a gate. I ran towards it without thinking. My hands felt numb from gripping the backpack. I was soaking wet, and my teeth were chattering. On top of the gate was a sign that read Grass Flower Arboretum. It was the back gate. There was a small warehouse just inside the gate.

SeokJin
21 July Year 12

The entrance door kept opening and closing. I kept staring at it, sitting in the airport waiting room. People with suitcases passed by, some wearing sunglasses. The electronic display board continued to change with arrivals, delays, and cancelations. The driver was murmuring with his eyes fixed on his cell phone. “No word from him yet.” I looked down at my watch. It was more than an hour past the time Dad promised he’d arrive.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been by myself. Dad was busy and mom was indifferent. They told me to do what I was told and not try anything else. When I disobeyed, they scolded me with silence. I wanted to please my parents.

Mom died not so long ago. Dad told me not to cry and didn’t cry himself. I tried to obey him, but it wasn’t easy. He decided to send me to my maternal grandmother’s in the U.S. he didn’t seem very sad about it.

Dad’s driver handed me my passport. It was time to leave. I looked back as I headed for the departure gate. The entrance door closed. The driver waved at me. The airplane finally began to speed down the runaway. Dad didn’t come.

I looked out the tiny window by my seat. Clouds passed by, and the sky turned pitch black. The flight attendant brought me a meal, and the juice cup fell when we hit turbulence. Flustered, I asked for some napkins. The flight attendant asked me if I was okay. My fried rice and meat were soaked in juice. My hands were sticky and my pants were all wet. “No,” I whispered back, but the flight attendant didn’t seem to hear. She said not to worry as she took away my tray. I nodded and kept looking down at the floor.

 

Namjoon
21 June Year 16

I darted down the stairs from the 13^th floor. I was out of breath and my legs were trembling. I collapsed in the shadow of the entrance to the apartment building. I started late today because school got out later than usual. I had to go full speed to post the fliers in all four apartment buildings by the deadline. If I didn’t my boss would be waiting for me with a long lecture. I had laboriously coaxed him into hiring a middle school student. Surely, I couldn’t let myself get fired at this point. Mom quit her job at the restaurant last week. We had to pay for the doctor’s bills for Dad, not to mention the overdue electricity and gas. I kept nodding off in the shadow. There were kids playing basketball in the far distance. I got up again. Time to run. I recited to myself. I must do it. I can do it.

 

Yoongi
19 September Year 16

Flames were devouring my house. It was whole and intact this morning, but now it was aflame. People who recognized me ran towards me, shouting unintelligible words. The neighbors stamped their feet, looking nervous. The fire truck couldn’t reach my house because the accessway was blocked. I stood there frozen. It was the end of summer and the first day of fall. The sky was blue and the air was crisp. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel, or what to do. Suddenly, I thought of Mom. At that very moment, my house collapsed with a thundering crash. It was completely enveloped in flames. Or, rather, it was a giant flame itself. The roof, pillars, walls, and my room tumbled down one by one as if they were made of sand. All I could do was gaze at them with vacant eyes.

People barged past me. I heard them saying the fire truck finally got through. Someone grabbed me by the shoulder and asked urgently, “Is your mom in there?” she shook me hard by the shoulder. “No, there is no one.” I heard myself saying it. “What do you mean?” it was one of the ladies from my neighborhood. “What happened to your mom? Where is she?” “There is no one.” I wasn’t sure what I was saying. Someone barged past me again.

 

JungKook
11 September Year 17

I waited for ten days, but the birthday card never came. I opened the bottom drawer and lifted a notebook to find four cards. Jungkook, Happy Birthday, from Dad. I read these five words over and over again.

It was winter, and I was 7 years old. The voices from the living room woke me up. My room was in the attic, and I could reach my parents’ room by going down five stairs and opening the sliding door. I reached out to open the door and stopped. Although I was still young, I could sense from the heavy atmosphere seeping through the door that this wasn’t a good time.

Dad said that it was too difficult to go on and that the world was too heavy for him to bear. Mom didn’t reply. She was probably crying silently or not moving at all. A long silence ensued. Dad said he’d be crushed if he went on living like this and he should leave now. Mom vehemently protested, calling him the most irresponsible man. Then, I heard my name. “What are you going to do about Jungkook?” I waited for a long time behind the sliding door, but Dad didn’t answer. Then I heard the sound of the front door opening. “I’m completely empty, and there’s nothing I can do for Jungkook.” Those were my dad’s last words.

I ran back up the stairs to the attic. I moved my chair against the wall right under the window and stood on it. Dad was walking down the sloping road. First, his legs disappeared, and then his waist, chest, and shoulders. It seemed as if an unknown world beyond the road was slowly swallowing him whole.

Someone jerked the door of my room open, and I instinctively pushed the drawer with my foot. It was Mom. She said no birthday card would ever come and Dad was just that kind of person. It was her usual repertoire. Dad was feeble-minded, incompetent, and most importantly, a social misfit who deserted us. Mom was right. No birthday card will ever come. I was the world that was too heavy for him to bear – that world that he gave up on. A child who can never be the reason to endure it all. That was me.